Grace

wow it's been a while since I've written on here : )

I'm learning a few things about grace lately, I don't really know how this will come out because it's not really very organised in my head but I'll give it a go : )

Grace is a pretty amazing thing I think, straight from God. But I think that it very rarely takes the form that we would expect it too...

A few months ago, I had a really big let down from someone really close, it had been building up for a few months and throughout that time I had been praying about the situation, trying to forgive, trying to say the right things and act the right way and trust God with all of it. And then I get the bomb shell and I was really struggling to forgive because I was convinced that I shouldn't have been upset in the first place. I reasoned that I had no right to be upset at all because, since the person who had hurt me wasn't a christian, then I have nothing to hold them accountable to, I shouldn't have been mad in the first place because in the world, what she did wasn't "wrong" So I was really beating myself up.

Then Jesus, because of His grace, let me know that it was ok to be upset, and that the last thing He wanted from me was to protect my heart so much as to not be upset when my friends let me down. He explained to me that my situation was kind of the same as my relationship with Him, that every single day, I hurt Him quite a lot. And it's not that my sin doesn't bother Him, it's that He doesn't let it get in the way of His love for me. My sin is forgiven because His love for me is greater than my sin and greater than His let downs. With that in mind, I could fit forgiveness into my head and day by day I am learning to give more grace to others because of the grace given to me.

Another thing I have learnt lately is the fact that grace isn't conditional of our own forgiveness. I really let down a lot of people recently, and despite my best efforts to make ammends and apologise, I haven't, and might not ever, received forgiveness from them. However, my heart is right before God. I can't change and must deal with the consequences of my own actions, but before God, there is no condemnation for me. I duno if this makes sense, it's still working itself out in my life. But the coolest thing is, that no matter how much I think I've screwed up, He will never fail to use it to teach me something or deal with something or just draw me closer to Him. And I think thats really cool, it makes me want to have more grace with others.

And this verse really illustrates what I'm trying to say - "Do not gloat over me, my enemy. Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light. Because I have sinned against Him, I will bear the LORD's wrath until He pleads my case and establishes my right. He will bring me out into the light. I will see his righteousness." - Micah 7:8-9

We have to deal with the consequences of our sin but He will restore us. He's still in control.

Hope this makes sense, its so simple but I think I'm going to be learning it for the rest of my life. In the way I deal with others, the way I see others deal with eachother, and the way my relationship with God develops.

anyways, enough.
much love
A

wow

Hey everyone,

I think this needs to be short but I wanted to share a little bit about whats been doing in the secret life of Amy lately.

OK so most of you probably know that this semester I've really been struggling with water polo and whether or not it's what God wants for me but not wanting to just give up because I'm unhappy ya know? and I've totally been pretty much questioning God's faithfulness or even desire to see me through my life.

And yesterday on the plane over to Denver when I was just thinking about how fun Davis was, and how I got to a point where I was focused and playing reasonably well but really not worried about the outcome, and how awesome it was to hang with all the girls and stuff, and I realised that everything I'd been asking God for He had given me straigh away - I had just been unable to receive it because I'd been so caught up in myself and worrying about what was right and wrong and how things should be done and feeling sorry for myself. He'd given me everything as soon as I'd asked for it. I just hadn't allowed myself to receive it. And He didn't even mind that it had taken me so long to get over myself, that He's just stoked that I finally got there. I'm just on such a high right now because my eyes are open to actually how much He blesses me every single day and how much I need to cherish every moment I can. I realised yesterday that once I graduate, I probably won't be back in Hawaii - so I need to start experiencing and enjoying it!!!

I'm just really excited at the moment. I'm at my friend Emily's and she's not like this radical revolutionary I'm going to change the world christian, but she is so in love with Jesus and she just lets Him use her every day without even realising it. And without even knowing it, she is going to change her world. And that makes me so excited : )

may God bless your smelly socks off everyone

so much love
A xxox

Mental Toughness

What is mental toughness? What is it for? and What should it look like in a Christian?

These are some big questions I have been wrestling with lately as far as water polo goes. I've had a really tough year and just now God showed me that in my pursuit of mental toughness, I've been trying to take back control of something only He can solve.

I think you need mental toughness in general to not get stressed out when things start piling up on you, when you want to snap at someone but don't, when you have a hundred things to do and a friend is really in need, to serve and love others completely and wholely selflessly and not take offense or despairi when you get walked all over, to get back up after falling down, to perservere at something even when you really want to quit, and, most evidently in my life, in a sports game. It only just clicked to me that sports can go on that list too, and each item on that list sounds a bit like the only way to actually do such things for many would be to obtain a certain peace that surpasses all understanding that can only come from God in order to keep control... interesting huh?

The bible tells us we have "the mind of Christ," and that with God's calling also comes His covering and provision. It tells us that perserverance is a fruit of the spirit, a steadfastness that is willing to hold onto the promises of God for dear life UNTIL we see those promises come to pass in our lives. And it tells me that God WANTS me trust Him enough to KNOW that I'm good enough - actually just enough in general - to be where Has me moment by moment.

I'd really really like to hear other people's opinion on mental toughness, and what it shoud look like in christians and examples and stuff. I'm still meshing through it.

I just know that when you play a sport, when you're doing something freely and it's something you're good at, it flows, it's free, you don't have to think and you don't get upset when you make mistakes. You don't think about what you do whether it's good or bad, you just get as much as you possibly can out of each second, each moment. And when you start stressing yourself out over tiny things that shouldn't bother you, it's not of God. It's taken me nearly a year to realise this! And the freedom is coming, but I'd still really love to hear what people think : )

much love
A xxox

Salvation

Hey all, thought I should update. It has been a while, thanks for the prompt Rach : )

Since I last posted, God has been teaching me about his salvation. It's really funny coz when you usually think about salvation you think about being saved and becoming a christian. But I have been learning about the daily salvation from the little things that happen every day that make you frown, from spiritual attacks, from myself haha, from anything and everything. I can't really explain it other than that for the past couple of months, my "life" has been totally awesome, I couldn't have a thing to be upset or complain about, but during all this I feel like I have been absolutely clinging to God for dear life. Like I physically and emotionally actually haven't been able to do anything without him.

I really really love Psalm 91 at the moment. I change all the "him"s to me and I. It's really powerful when you feel like you're goin crazy and you say it out loud.

He(or She) who dwells in the secret place of the Most High will rest under the shadow of the Almighty
I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; in Him I trust
Surely He will deliver me from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover me with His feathers, and under His wings I will find refuge; His truth and His faithfulness will be my shield and rampart
I will not be afraid of the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
Nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at my side, and ten thousand at my right hand, but it shall not come near me.
I will only observe with my eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
If I make the Most High my dwelling - even the Lord, who is my refuge - then no harm will befall me, no disaster will come near my tent.
For He will command His angels concerning me to guard me in all my ways;
they will lift me up in their hands, so that my foot will not strike against a stone.
I will tread upon the lion and the cobra; I will trample the great lion and the serpant.

"Because she loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue her; I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name. She will call upon me, and I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble, I will deliver and honour her. With Long life shall I satisfy her and show her my salvation."

When I feel like I would shatter into pieces if someone pushes me, or even breathes too hard in my direction. When I feel so fragile for who knows what reason other than I'm a girl, He's there. I don't surprise Him, He's not in therapy. haha. Whatever condition I come before him in, whatever side of me he gets each day, He will always embrace it with arms wide open. He just wants me to turn to him. He will be there to pick up the pieces, even when I have zero clue as to what on earth is going on in this crazy heart of mine and even less control over what to do about it.

I don't even know if that makes sense. lol.

"And they shall live with His face in view, and that they belong to Him will show on their faces." -Rev 22:4-5

christmas time

i've been thinking about christmas lately and what it means to me and stuff, and its been really awesome. it totally just blows me away how amazing God is how he just gave up heaven for us. and the mighty God above all other Gods who created to universe came to us as a baby. a baby who had to be looked after and taken care of and who cried in the middle of the night and had to have his nappies (daipers) changed and drooled all over himself. the weakest of all things, entrusted to humans who had messed up everything else in the world so far. he is so weak in his love for us he sent us baby, and in that he proves his almighty amazing strength. how much he doesn't need us in the slightest to do anything for him, but he is so madly in love with us he wants us along for the ride. Jesus was born in a manger, a filthy, disgusting manger and that was his throne that has been glorified so much because thats where the glory is. in the brokenness of our lives, in the gutter of our hearts so to say. everyone has wounds and pain, its there where his glory is shown, its there he wants to go with us and make whole. It says in the bible that our hearts are his thrones too, I'll leave that thought up to you guys for a bit but when I think about that I wana fall on my face in awe of how he does that. How in my life, he has taken me from a place of so much pain and hurt and so many lies and made that his throne and bought life and truth and healing and wholeness and made it beautiful to him.

this is kinda short and blurted out, i hope it makes sense...

merry christmas everyone, may God bless your smelly socks off.
A xxox

Ripped off

(God to Abraham) ...through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed... Gen 22:18

bless - 3. To invoke divine favour upon.
blessing - 3. Something promoting or contributing to happiness, well-being, or prosperity(dictionary.com)

This might upset some people so I apologise in advance.

I have recently become friends with this amazing beautiful girl, who is really really really shy. I'm really excited to know her and be a part of her journey, and I love that we're really different - she hates sport and the water : ) recently a few people have been like, Amy I think its really cool you're taking the time to get to know her bla bla bla and I've been like yea I'm pretty cool. Anyways, so we had thanksgiving lunch together and afterwards she was like, would you maybe want to hang out this weekend? and I was like yea! how about Sunday after church? and she was like, yea ok we'll see. And so Sunday comes around, and its a beautiful day, and I'm like God, thank you for this day, I'm going to the beach! and God was like, what about Polly (code name) - she hates water? and I'm like, its ok we can hang out another day, and God was like, Amy, you told her you'd hang out with her today. And then I was thinking about how much effort I was putting in to actually getting to know her and making her welcome, and I realised I'm not half or even a quarter as noble as I think I am. But thats ok and its not my point. I was like, God, I'm not hurting her by not hanging out with her. And God was like, no Amy but you're not blessing her either, so what is the point in chasing her?

There is a really common world view these days, which I used to agree with, and even up to a certain extent agreed with up until yesterday. And that is the thought/idea that its ok for people to do whatever they want, as long as they don't hurt anyone.

And I just want to say, that is SUCH a rip off.

People just want to get through life without being hurt...God wants people to go through life being more blessed than they could imagine. He doesn't want me to simply not hurt Polly - when has friendship/relationships simply been about not hurting someone? when has that even been possible? He wants to bless her through our friendship. People hurt, I think thats unavoidable. Blessing people is avoidable unfortunatley, and far too common - and christians are often the worst culprits.

I know this probably sounds kinda fairy taleish, but this is the best I could come up with for now, I don't think life is at all supossed to be easy, but being blessed is truly Gods desire for our lives. He loves us more than we could imagine right? So if people who you know how much they love you bless you, how much more does he want to bless you? If there are christians in your life who aren't blessing you, I'm sorry. I want to apologise on their behalf. If I haven't been blessing you, I'm sorry and I'm going to, by grace, make more effort.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, just had to put it down.
much love
A xxox

Kisses

OK so we just had bible study and we were talking about beautiful things and what was always really beautiful to us personally and how that portrayed God to us. And I just think its really cool. So sometimes I'm just sitting there marvelling at this world, which happens a lot. And then all of a sudden its like God is kissing me. Like a "this moment is just for you my darling" Like, I'm his darling. yus!

So here are some things that make me feel like God is kissing me and what is beautiful to me:

When it goes quiet all of a sudden and theres a gentle breeze, theres a song that goes and its so soft and gentle across your face.

Hot showers. I could seriously stand under one for hours. Like just standing there with the water pouring all over your face and you can feel all the drops of water. And when it rains heavy fat rain drops like that too, and you can just walk in the rain and your eyebrows fill up and start dripping warm water down your face.

Anything to do with the ocean, its just so huge and so beautiful and so much fun. Looking at it or swimming in it or listening to it or whatever, its just amazing to me

Shutting my eyes and walking in the sun and just feeling its warmth sinking into my bones.

When you're about to cross a busy road and then all of a sudden, it goes quiet and there are no cars

The smell of the air and how plump it feels just before it rains

People smiling just because they can.

When I have practice in the morning, and when I get in the pool its all dark and I really love watching the sky change and sun coming up, even though I never actually get to see the sun.

Mornings in general, just when the sun has come up and its starting to be warm, and its all quiet, just before the rush of the day starts.
and at home, in the autumn and spring time in the morning its really crispy and quite cold, but the sky is so clear and you know its just guna be such a beautiful day.

When you eat food that you just can't help but get all over your face and hands. When it's so good and so messy and you don't even care.

when people sing, even though they can't really sing that well, but they really love the song and really feel what they're singing, I think its the most coolest thing in the world
And when people are so enthusiastic about what they're doing, and so into it, whether its sellng hot dogs or discovering a cure for a disease. When people are excited about what they're doing, other people get excited. Thats not really God kissing me but it totally reflects him to me.

Basically whatever is beautiful. The stars, the mountains, people, machines if thats what you like. It's so cool how you can just breathe when you're around something beautiful, you can sigh and something inside you is calmed and becomes still, even if the rest of your life is chaos.
How it heals, its no mistake that people give flowers when something bad happens, why people go for walks on the beach to clear their heads, why people stop to listen when they hear a beautiful song...

And thats what God is to me, of many things, He is beauty.